


she who defends warriors

by alittlelesspain



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 08:30:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9596561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlelesspain/pseuds/alittlelesspain
Summary: Alexandra: protector of humanity; defender of men. Alex doesn’t know when that definition extended to include an alien sister, and refugees from distant stars, and this woman in her arms, whose habitual strength only makes her newfound vulnerability more heart-wrenching.The one in which your soulmate's name is marked on your arm, both Alex and Maggie think they don't deserve a happy ending, and Kara is the ultimate wingman, quite literally. Alex is trans (MTF) in this fic.





	

**1993**

It’s 1993 and five-year-old Alex Danvers is already a scientist at heart. As such, she reasons that in a world where the name of your soulmate is marked on your body, your parents would go to the trouble of giving you a unique name.

No such luck. Alex’s parents give her one of the most common baby names of a generation. It’s a name with an illustrious legacy, whose meaning is far too grand for any child to live up, but she doesn’t know that yet, nor does she care. At five years old, all Alex knows is that “ _daaaaad, it sounds weird and four syllable names are haaaard.”_

(She isn’t comfortable enough yet to voice the other reason why she hates her name.)

“Alex, then?” Jeremiah suggests, and chuckles when Alex’s whole face lights up at the sound of it. Her parents start calling her Alex from then on.

\---

 

**1994**

Alex wasn’t born a name marked on her body, but there’s enough research on the subject that this doesn’t alarm her parents.

“She must be younger than you.” Eliza reasons. “That’s how it works. The younger person is the one that gets the mark; it’s not like you can have the name of a person who isn’t even born yet.”

It doesn’t occur to six-year old Alex to wonder why her mother automatically assumes that it must be a “she”, but it does occur to her to wonder whether a name likes hers wouldn’t make it hard for her soulmate to find her. Alex supposes it isn’t _too_ bad. Jeremiah is uncommon enough, but you can find at least four Elizabeths in any given crowd, and her dad was the older one.

If her parents have still found each despite the odds, Alex reasons, there’s hope for her.

\---

 

**2016**

It’s 2016, and Alex Danvers feels the presence of Maggie Sawyer at the airport long before she decides to approach her and initiate a turf war. The proximity of her curves around the edge of Alex’s conscience, as Maggie fans her squad out to collect evidence while Alex is occupied with regrouping President Marsdin’s security team into some semblance of competence. By the time Alex notices and walks up to confront Maggie, her squad has already gotten all the evidence they need.

Maggie makes some smart remark about feds and bad movies. Alex lets it roll off her; she’s heard worse from local cops, has given worse. She stands her ground and parrots her usual spiel about jurisdiction and chains of authority instead, even as a closed-off part of her notes that Maggie Sawyer’s eyes seem to be made of stars, and the way her hair ripples with sunlight is ...distracting.

Alex shouldn’t be so delighted that Maggie doesn’t take her challenge lying down. She shouldn’t feel a rush of ...something, when Maggie flips out her NCPD ID, forcing Alex to display her own fake federal one. She holds it out to the sun, and the gesture feels almost defensive to her, the card a shield against the beautiful woman in front of her, whose laconic smile pierces easily through all the walls of professionalism that Alex has built up.

“Alexandra Danvers.” Maggie reads.

“Alex.” Alex automatically corrects, out of habit, and Maggie’s head tilts, so that she’s gazing up into Alex’s eyes.

Then she seems to come to a decision, because all she says is “See you around, Danvers.” before turning on her heels and heading for her car.

\---

 

**1996**

It is when Alex is going through a Greek history phase, that she learns what her full name means. _Defender of men, protector of humanity, one who comes to defend warriors._ It’s only a few months before this that the judge had summoned her parents to a hearing to officially change her gender and name on her birth certificate.

See, Alex knows that things move slow in small town Midvale, where there’s only one Starbucks in the entire town, and the word “trans” still doesn’t exist in the official dictionary. This probably has something to do with why, even though Alex’s full name has always felt off to her, and she’s told her parents since she turned six that the “Male” ticked off on her birth certificate felt wrong, it’s taken this long for the official paperwork to go through.

“They’ll ask you to choose a name.” her dad had told her, and Alex had picked Alexandra, because it make sense, and because she think it’ll be the least amount of hassle to navigate with.

It isn’t until now that she feels the weight of the history behind the name, though, and she runs to her mother with this newfound knowledge, pointing excitedly at the book, where the story of Alexander the Great is laid out in illustrated detail.

Her mother smiles, and ruffles her hair.

“Alexandra.” Eliza Danvers says softly. “An extraordinary name for an extraordinary girl. My beautiful Alexandra, born to save the world.”

And Alex doesn’t care much about the world, or about saving it, but she thinks back to what she had read of Alexander and Hephaistion, and she thinks that she would like to have that with someone someday, no matter how brief.

\---

 

**2016**

Maggie Sawyer is flirting with her.

Well, Alex thinks she is. She is almost sure of it.

Alex doesn’t know how Maggie found out that “Wanna see a dead body?” is Alex’s preferred variation of “Let’s go out and see a movie together.” She doesn’t understand why Maggie would insist on her wearing a nice dress if this was anything other than a date. And why does Maggie keep holding on to her hand like that?

Maggie’s hand feels nice, though, and Alex sure as hell isn’t going to let go if Maggie isn’t.

\---

 

** 1997 **

The meeting with the judge sets the whole thing at rest once and for all. Alex and her parents exit the court with the name change finalized, and the requisite papers in hand.

Alex’s dad is holding her right hand and her mom her left, and the sun is shining down the court steps. For a moment, Alex feels invincible; stronger than that Superman who lives over in Metropolis, and comes to have dinner with Mom and Dad sometimes.

It isn’t until weeks after, when the high of it has died down, that Alex starts truly worrying about what this means for her odds of finding her soulmate. There has been some quantitative research done into soulmate marks, but nothing specifically focusing on trans people. What happens when you change your name?

What if Alex’s soulmate never finds her?

\--

 

** 2016 **

Alex didn’t know a lot of things before Maggie Sawyer crashed her crime scene and, subsequently, her life.

She didn’t know how to see aliens besides Kara and J’onn as fellow citizens, rather than as a faceless enemy to be fought.

She didn’t know that just because something is the law, doesn’t make it just.

And she didn’t know that there were people in the world that made your heart beat faster just by standing in close proximity to you.

She’s pretty sure Kara notices it, because after a briefing session between the NCPD and the DEO - wherein Maggie had been casually resting her head against Alex’s shoulder - Supergirl comes over to fuss about Alex’s elevated heartbeat and high temperature, worrying about whether Alex has caught the flu that’s been going around.

(Alex doesn’t notice the way Maggie’s eyes tracks every movement of Supergirl’s hand over Alex’s face, or the resigned expression on Maggie’s face as she turns away.)

\---

 

**2002**

When Alex is fourteen years old, she gets a sister; a girl who fell from the sky, quite literally.

Alex’s mom explains about _Clark is not equipped to raise a child_ and _poor thing had her entire family taken away_ and _really needs a stable family_ and suddenly Alex has a stranger living in her house, sharing her room, calling her _sister._

“You’re her big sister now, Alexandra.” her mom tells Alex. “It’s your job to protect her.”

 _But I don’t want to!_ Alex wants to scream. Because Kara is weird and kind of embarrassing ( _far more so than her_ , an ugly part of Alex notes, before Alex ruthlessly quells that thought) and completely lost in the new world she’s found herself in.

But Kara is also kind and gentle, with the softest and angriest heart of anyone Alex knows, and when her classmates corner her one day at recess, jeering at her for her accent, her weird way of holding herself, for being _different,_ she lashes out, not in full control of her powers yet.

By the time Alex finds her, Kara is huddled in the corner of the playground, staring in horror at the boys lying groaning on the ground.

Alex assesses the situation. The recess monitor is already on her way over, but Alex doesn’t think she saw what actually happened. Kara is new, and already has a whole bunch of strikes against her. Alex, on the other hand, is the school’s top student, and a decorated athlete to boot.

 _You’re her big sister now,_ Alex’s mother had told her.

Alex suddenly understands the weight of that statement. _My sister’s keeper._ She feels the responsibility of it settle over her shoulders, stronger than any cape.

“I did it.” Alex says firmly, looking up at the recess monitor and pointing at the boys laying on the ground. “And I’d do it again, too.”

\---

 

**2016**

Alex is sure that - mind-reading abilities or not - J’onn knows something about whatever’s going on between her and Maggie, because he’s been making Alex take point on every mission that needs to involve the police, and he’s officially inducted Maggie in as the appointed DEO liaison from the NCPD.

Which probably has something to do with why Alex is at Maggie’s apartment right now, wrapping up the briefing on Cadmus’ attack on M’gann’s bar. She’s chosen to give the report to Maggie personally rather than hand it to the precinct office, because she knows Maggie was close to a lot of the bar regulars that had been targeted.

“We’re looking into contacting the next of kin of the deceased aliens.” Alex finishes softly, tentatively, because Maggie’s has nodded and commented at all the right places during the debriefing, but she hasn’t once looked up from the report that Alex had handed to her.

“They slaughtered almost three dozen people in one go, Alex.”

There’s a laconic edge to Maggie’s voice, that’s always there when she speaks to people, even to Alex. Alex thinks that it might be Maggie’s shield, like Kara’s cape and Alex’s badge.

That edge is gone now, as Maggie continues.

“So’len was really touchy about her height.” Maggie starts, her index finger lifting, as if to count. “She was Astonian, you know, and they tend to run small. Reinus and Helio used to argue about everything so much, that I sometimes doubted if they were actually Circadian. Renvaar used to badger me to check out books for him all the time, because it’s not like a six foot arachnoid can just walk in and register for a library card.”

Maggie stops, and her hand falls down, trembling.

“I don’t remember all of them, Alex,” she whispers. “I didn’t even _know_ all of them.”

Alex is a warrior. Her hands were crafted to break, to threaten, to destroy.

That night, those hands cradle Maggie’s face. They wipe away the tears that fall silently down her cheeks. They hold Maggie close, as Alex whispers to Maggie that she doesn’t know whether everything will be okay, but they will find Cadmus, and they will make Lillian Luthor pay.

Maggie’s clutches at Alex’s back when she promises her that, and Alex feels it again: the responsibility, the cape, the strength that comes from having someone believe in you.

 _Alexandra. Protector of humanity. Defender of men._ Alex doesn’t know when that definition extended to include an alien sister, and refugees from distant stars, and this woman in her arms whose habitual strength only makes this newfound vulnerability more heart-wrenching.

All Alex knows is that she wouldn’t change a single thing about any of them.

\--

 

**2016**

The first time Maggie gets truly angry at Alex, is when Alex throws herself in front of a bullet meant for Supergirl.

They have weapons-smuggling Cadmus operatives cornered at a warehouse, and Alex has called Maggie’s squad for backup, even though Kara had wanted this to be a solo mission.

The ringleader cocks his gun and Alex only has a second to clock the flash of green. _Kryptonite._ He pulls the trigger but she is already moving, running, leaping into the air. Falling, when the bullets hit her.  Two harmlessly ricocheting off the bulletproof vest, one hitting her exposed arm, another her thigh.

She’s already near unconsciousness when she hits the ground.

She doesn’t hear Kara’s roar of rage, as her heat vision melts the weapon right in the ringleader’s hands, mangling both weapon and hand beyond repair. She doesn’t see Kara beat the rest of the group into painful submission.

She doesn’t hear Maggie’s deathly calm voice dialing for an ambulance, or the catatonic way she handcuffs the men that Kara has subdued into custody. She doesn’t see Maggie collapse on the ground right next to Supergirl, hands moving in stunned automation, as they do their best to provide first aid to Alex before the ambulance arrives.

\---

 

**2016**

Alex wakes up to concerned blue eyes looming over her face. She starts back, and then groans as her ribs protest from the movement.

“Sorry, sorry!” Kara states, stumbling backwards and almost tripping over her own cape in the process. “I just- I was flying over the city when I heard your heart rate pick up and I heard you mumbling something, so I flew over right away to see if you’d finally woken up.”

Alex settles back, and smiles, breathing in and out. It’s an old habit of her sister’s, to clock Alex’s heartbeat while she goes about her own day.

“Well,” she wheezes out, “You were right. I sure am alive.”

“Not for much longer, if I have any say.” Kara growls, and her face twists in anguish. “I’m going to kill you, and bring you back to life, and then kill you again. What. Were. You. Thinking.”

“Wasn’t.” Alex offers feebly. Her head feels dull and her words are coming out slurred, so she’s pretty sure she’s on an entire pharmacy’s worth of medication right now.

“You can’t keep doing this, Alex.” Kara pleads, and there are tears in her eyes now, “I can’t live with myself if you were...if you...”

“Didn’t, though.” Alex offers, and her head is already pounding from the strain of keeping her eyes open. “Sleep now. Please?”

Kara looks like she’s about to argue some more, and then sighs.

“Not yet.” she says. “J’onn said that he’ll come by to chew you out after you’ve rested, but there’s one person here who’s been waiting outside for three days straight to see you.”

Even dulled by medication and exhaustion, Alex heart soars painfully. 

“No.” she whispers.

“Yes.” says a voice behind Kara, and Maggie steps into the room.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Kara mumbles, looking awkwardly between the two of them, before flying out the window.

Maggie steps towards her, and Alex wants to jump out of the bed and dance for joy. She wants to crawl under it and never come out. She’s never been a writer, but she wants to write poetry about the dark circles under Maggie’s eyes, and the exhausted set of her mouth, and the way she’s staring at Alex like a starving man at a feast.

It’s Maggie who breaks the silence first.

“Three days.” she croaks out. “Three days and they wouldn’t tell me anything. They wouldn’t even let me near you. Three days or not knowing whether you would live, or die, or if you were already dead and they were just pushing paperwork through.”

She collapses there, kneeling on the floor, one hand on Alex’s bed. 

“Protocol.” Alex replies, stretching her hand out as far as she can to reach Maggie’s own. “J’onn is...a ...hardass.”

“I could kill you.” Maggie admits calmly, looking at her with an intensity that makes Alex’s heart rate spike. “I could happily drive a knife into you right now for what you put me through.”

“Fair.” Alex mumbles, pacified by the fact that Maggie has grabbed hold of the hand she extended, and now has it clutched tightly between her own.

“You care about her.” Maggie says, and her statements sounds more like a question. “About Supergirl. That’s why you did it.”

“Yes.” Alex replies, and doesn’t elaborate further before closing her eyes again, because her head is still woozy from medication, and Maggie’s hands are so _warm_ , and of course she loves her sister.

The last thing Alex feels before drifting off to sleep is soft fingers stroking the hair away from her face, and a kiss being deposited on her forehead. She doesn’t know why the kiss feels like a farewell, and she doesn’t register the sudden wetness that falls down onto her cheeks.

\---

 

**2003**

12-year old Kara loves talking about her planet, will babble about it to any one of the Danvers who would stick around to listen. With Dad gone and Mom out on field missions so frequently, trying to lose herself in word, the job falls to Alex.

Kara tells her about the buildings curved around ancient trees, and the waterfalls that floated free in the air, and how bright it all looked when the sun of Krypton shone in the sky.

It sounds like a utopia, though Alex is aware that she’s hearing about it from Kara’s perspective and someone else might well have painted a less rosy picture.

On Krypton, they do not have soulmates, have never even heard of the concept.

\---

 

**2016**

Maggie dates so many people that Alex wonders if she’s one of those people who simply don’t believe in soulmate marks.

Alex knows that some people date so they’ll be “experienced” by the time their soulmate comes around. Others do it for fun. But Maggie always goes into each new relationship with such a gung-ho attitude; Alex doesn’t think it’s just about practice, for her.

Alex finally approaches her about it, one night at the bar.

“I do think the whole idea of soulmates is a bit stifling.” Maggie says, bending down to take a shot. “But, as it happens, I’ve already found mine.”

Alex feels a sickly smile slide its way into her face, even as her stomach swoops. “Maggie, that’s ...that-”

“-Doesn’t matter.” Maggie finishes for her “I don’t think they want me.”

Alex blinks, because she can’t imagine anyone in the world not wanting Maggie Sawyer. “No way, Maggie.”

“They’ve got someone else.” Maggie continues, and she still won’t meet Alex’s eyes for some reason.  “Someone I can’t possibly measure up against.”

Alex privately thinks that’s impossible, but something about Maggie’s tone warns her that this is probably not the right time to be pushing that statement.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever find mine.” she admits instead, and she’s the one who’s looking to avoid eye contact now. “My situation is a bit complicated.”

“Well, I don’t think aliens have soulmate markers.” Maggie remarks soothingly, an observation that Alex thinks is quite inconsequential to the situation, but her head is too full of anxiety about what she’s about to reveal, to think it through right now.

“I mean,” Alex begins again, a bit frustrated at having to start over. “I’m trans, and between the name change and everything, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to find them.”

Her words sound casual, but she can feel her heart pounding fit to break out of its ribcage, and there’s sweat breaking out all over her skin, as happens every time that she talks about this.

Maggie is quiet for a moment, and when she speaks again, it is in a voice so quiet that Alex has to bend down to hear.

“I have to admit that I knew that.”

Alex raises her eyebrows. She doesn’t want to think that Maggie is one of _those_ assholes.

Maggie’s won’t meet Alex’s eyes; her gaze is focused resolutely on table, where her hands are obsessively running over a gash in the wood. “The day after I met you, at the airport...I had a buddy pull up your file at headquarters. I was just checking up on your credentials...I didn’t expect to find...to find-.” She suddenly covers her face with her hands. “I should not have done that, Danvers. And I should have _told_ you.”

“It’s quite stalkery.” Alex replies, poker-face. She has to admit that some part of her is relieved, though, that she doesn’t have to go through the whole jig and dance of the conversation yet again, to yet another person.

“I realize that now.” Maggie says, looking abashed. Her hands come up, as her head lifts abruptly from the table. “But I swear to god, Alex, I was only checking up on your FBI claim, I had no id-”

“Remember when you told me about growing up as a non-white girl in Nebraska?” Alex interrupts, grasping at Maggie’s flailing hands. “And how I had no clue how to react to that, because I couldn’t relate?”

Maggie doesn’t reply with words. She simply nods and keeps staring at Alex, waiting for her to continue.

“I want to learn, though.” Alex continues. “I want to know. I want to _understand._ ”

“So do I.” Maggie says softly, and maybe it’s because of all the shots they’ve downed so far, but she’s suddenly slid her hands down Alex’s grip to twine their fingers together, and Alex’s breath catches.

Maggie laughs, her eyes dancing. “We’re a pair, aren’t we, Danvers?”

Alex wonders, again, if someone has her name marked on the their skin, the way Hephaistion had Alexander’s.

(Alex wonders whose name Maggie has marked on her skin.)

 

\---

**2017**

The first time they fight is when Alex is in charge of a joint operation between the DEO and the NCPD, and she refuses to let Maggie get involved.

“You are taking _my_ squad.” Maggie argues. “ _My_ signature is on all the requisition forms. If anything happens to the team, I’m the one who’ll have to look their families in their face and inform them. If you think I’m staying behind, you’re dreaming.”

“Lillian Luthor has taken control of the entire north side of the city.” Alex argues back. “You’ll just be another walking target out on the field. I need you to stay behind at command.”

Maggie is shaking her head before Alex is even finished. “No, that’s what you have Vasquez and Winn and all the other intelligence officers for. I do field work.”

But Alex has drawn up the attack plan, though, and calculated the stakes. This attack is going to be a miracle to pull off, between all the Cadmus operatives that Lillian Luthor has staged around the target area, and all the uncertainties in the equation (Will Lena remain loyal? Does Cadmus still have a stash of Kryptonite? Whose side is her father on?) Even Kara and her cadre of super-powered friends on their side might not budge the situation to their advantage much.

_Maggie got shot the last time we confronted Cadmus. She could get killed this time._

“I’m not staying behind while you and my team risk your life.” Maggie continues.

Alex panics. She feels the responsibilities closing down on her, the stakes too high, the cape too heavy. She can feel it suffocating her now.

_I can only watch over so many._

“That isn’t your prerogative, Sawyer.” she finds herself saying, biting out the words, cold and precise.

Maggie looks at her with widened eyes, surprise warring with restrained anger.

“This is a DEO mission.” Alex continues. She makes sure to meet Maggie’s eyes, like she learned to in all those DEO classes on hostage negotiations with enemy combatants. “We’re grateful to the NCPD for lending us your team and expertise, but we call the shots here.”

Except Maggie is not the enemy, Maggie has never been the enemy, and when Maggie looks down, takes a deep breath, and says “We’ll see about that, Danvers” before walking out, Alex feels like she’s the one that lost.

\---

 

**2017**

“She won’t talk to me anymore.” Alex whines. It’s two nights before their planned attack. She should be training. She should be planning. She should be catching up on her rest.

She shouldn’t be holed up in her apartment, watching a phone that never rings.

“She doesn’t approach you because you told her to stay out of your business.” Kara replies, incredulously in between taking bites of her pizza. “She took you at your word.”

Alex refuses to deterred by reason. “She won’t even text me recipes for vegan ice cream anymore.”

“So _you_ text _her_ .” Kara suggests. She scarfs down another slice, and then makes a face. “Vegan ice cream? You must _really_ like her.”

“I’m not texting her if she doesn’t care enough to do it first.” Alex grumbles, not happy that her sister has picked today of all days to be the rational one.

Kara sighs and then, without another word, walks over to Alex and picks her up. Even as Alex struggles in protest, Kara is flying, zipping past buildings and trees.

“You are going to apologize to her!” she orders Alex, raising her voice over the wind as they close in on the downtown core of the city. “Even if I have to throw you into her living room through the window!”

“Do you even know where she lives?” Alex yells.

“I _might_ have used my laser vision to find out!” Kara yells back, and then quieter, so that Alex almost doesn’t hear it “...And then got Winn to confirm the address.”

“Is everyone around me a stalker?” Alex grumbles.

Kara doesn’t make any reply to that, and carefully alights on a mid-rise building that’s definitely seen better days, from the outside look of it.

“She’s on the sixth floor, unit nine.” she says. I _would_ throw you in, but I don’t think having to pay for the property damage is going to endear Maggie to you.”

“This has nothing to do with you.” Alex says half-heartedly.

“Yes, it does!” Kara replies. “Because I _like_ Maggie! I like the way she makes you smile. I like the way she brings you lunch when you’re working in the lab because she knows you’ll forget to eat otherwise. I like the way she thinks the _world_ of you, and I like the way you’re already halfway in love with her, and if you’re going to keep me from getting the best sister-in -law I could ever get, I swear I will throw both you _and_ her into space myself and leave you there until you two work it out!”

 _Sister-in-law?_ Alex makes a private note to text Maggie that she’s got Supergirl as her #1 fan, and then makes a face when realizes that _oh yeah_ , they’re not texting each other hourly anymore.

“She’s got someone else.” she admits. “Her soulmate...she said she’s already got someone.”

“Alex,” Kara’s voice is pleading now, her face close to tears. “I come from a planet that doesn’t know the _meaning_ of soulmates. All I know is that you love her, and she would die for you, and that’s worth more than a mark on your arm.”

Alex flops her shoulders.

“Fine.”

\---

 

**2017**

Alex hears the footsteps pacing back and forth long before she puts her arm up to knock. She stays her arm, and waits outside for a while, listening to beat of feet walking back and forth along what must surely be carpet, her breathing unconsciously matching the rhythm of the walk.

_Oh, get on with it._

She gets two knocks in before the footsteps rush towards the door. There’s a metal sliding sound, a few seconds of silence, and then the door wrenches open.

Alex doesn’t think it’s possible to forget how beautiful Maggie is. And yet she must have, because her breath is almost knocked out of her at seeing Maggie’s face after three days of abstinence.

Maggie doesn’t bother with a “hi.” She simply steps back and motions at Alex to come in.

Alex makes sure to enter slowly. She takes her time closing the door behind her, and in taking off her shoes, because Maggie doesn’t like them in the apartment. But all self-control vanishes when she turns and finds herself face-to-face with Maggie again. Despite all conventional wisdom, she finds her arms automatically reaching for Maggie, embracing her, feeling the solid weight of her body against Alex’s own.

Maggie makes a surprised nose, but there is only a moment’s hesitation before her arms move to grip Alex’s back.

“I’m sorry.” Alex whispers against the curve of Maggie’s neck. “I just didn’t want you to get hurt. I _can’t_ have you get hurt.”

“You can’t decide that for me, Alex.” Maggie pulls back, and is watching Alex with a face a still as marble, and not for the first time, Alex wishes that she could strip away all the layers of guardedness that make up this woman in front of her.

“I panicked.” she admits, the words coming out in a rush. “I wanted some way to keep you out of harm, and keeping you out of the mission was all I could think of. I just wanted to protect you.”

“And what about what I want?” Maggie shoots back instead, her voice dead calm. “ _I_ want to look after my squad. I want to protect the city that took me in. I want to have your back in a situation like that.”

“I know.” Alex admits. “I would feel the same if you’d done this to me. I’m sorry.”

“I am not going to stay behind while my team risks their life, Alex.” Maggie says. “I will go above your head to get permission to join the team if I have to.”

“Understood.” Alex says, and if her voice sounds small, she thinks it might be warranted.

This is what has drawn her to Maggie, isn’t it? That they’re both fighters, that they both feel responsible, Alex for her sister and family, and Maggie for her city.

For the first time since Alex knocked on the door, Maggie smiles. Alex feels her heart start into a wild staccato again.

_Defenders. Protectors._

“So,” Maggie starts. “What triggered this?”

Alex is still breathing in relief at the smile, so the question startles her, eliciting a surprised “What?” from her mouth.

“Why did you freak out so badly, that day at the DEO?” Maggie asks. “We’ve gone on missions together before. What changed?”

_You didn’t get shot before. Kara didn’t get kidnapped before. It seems like everytime I let my guard down, someone I care about gets hurt._

“What are you not telling me, Alex?”

“What I _wish_ I could tell you.” Alex admits, socked feet scrabbling against the rough grain of the Maggie’s apartment floor, wishing that the feelings behind her answer would reach Maggie, past her skin, past her guards, to her heart, so that Alex could show her what was in her own.

Because, how do you explain that your sister is one of the last survivors of a destroyed planet? How do you explain the sense of responsibility you feel when you look at her, the urge to protect not only for her own sake, but also for the sake of preserving the last legacy of an entire world? How do you explain that you would give your life to save hers, and consider it more than a fair price?

“But I can’t explain it.” she finishes.

There is silence after Alex says those words. Then-

“Okay.” Maggie says.

Alex blinks. “Okay?”

“You’ll tell me when the time comes. I trust you.” Maggie says, and breathes out afterwards, deep and slow, as if saying those last three words took more effort than running a marathon.

_I trust you._

Alex considers those three words. She thinks back to everything she’s learned about Maggie in the past year; her guardedness, her cautious nature, her emotional walls.

Alex takes all of that, compares it against the weight of Maggie’s words, and feels close to bursting with emotion at the sum she comes up with.

 

\---

 

**2017**

_Kryptonite emitters. They’ve got fucking Kryptonite emitters._

It’s D-day and all of the worst case scenarios that Alex had planned for are coming true. Cadmus not only has access to Kryptonite still, they’ve also figured out a way to distribute it across large areas of land. Kara is currently surrounded by DEO agents trying to protect her from the brunt of the Cadmus forces, until the emitters can be disabled.

_So much for Plan B. And Plan C, and D, and E._

Maggie’s voice crackles in Alex’s ear, as she gives instructions to the squad that she is currently leading to infiltrate the building holding Kryptonite emitters’ power source.

“The generators aren’t wired in any standard way.” she reports, and then switches to transmit to Alex only, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but thank God you forced me to take Livewire along with the team.”

“Not out of the woods yet.” Alex grunts back, because she’s currently in the middle of scaling up the tower where Lena had reported that Cadmus’ new counter-weapon is about to be deployed. Alex’s team is minimal so as to avoid detection, and between terror at Kara’s situation, and worrying over how their plans have fallen apart and forced them to improvise _everything_ , she is not feeling good about their chances right now.

“Success! Power source cut off!” Maggie’s voice whoops in Alex’s ear piece, but Alex is only half-listening, because she and her team are at the top of the tower, and she can see the cannon’s head swivelling,  pointing below.

“That cannot be good.” she says, to no one in particular, jumping away from the edge of the building as Cadmus agents rush at her.

Her earpiece crackles to life again, but it’s Winn this time.

“Already working on it.” he says, and she can feel the faint clack of keyboards in the background. “Can you get me a better angle?”

Alex moves close obligingly, throwing a Cadmus agent out of the way almost dazedly, she she repositions the camera mounted on her shoulder.

“You’ll need to plug in the disruptor I gave you.” Alex can hear Winn ordering Manny, the off-earth weapons expert that she had brought along as part of her small team. She moves to cover her him as he runs towards the cannon, trying not to think the way the cannon’s head keeps swivelling back to the melee below, where every DEO soldier not otherwise engaged is deployed, Supergirl at their center.

“I’m coming up now.” Maggie says in her ear, but Alex only sees the cannon’s mouth glowing white.

One of her agents is down and Manny is already busy trying to shut down the cannon using Winn’s instructions.

_They won’t shut it down soon enough._

“Alex?” Maggie asks through the earpiece. “You there? J’onn said you might need hel-”

 _Well, there’s more than one way to stop a weapon from reaching its target._ Alex grits her teeth. This is what she was born for, isn’t it? What she was named for.

She sees the cannon’s circular movements slow down, as it is locks on the targets below, is already calculating the trajectory of the beam in her head, and moving forward-

“Don’t you dare.” Maggie growls, and suddenly she is running in front of Alex, pinning Alex down beneath the cover of her uniform.

Alex feels the impact of the blast as it passes over them, glancing against Maggie’s shield. She hears Maggie grunt, sees the blood splatter against Maggie’s transparent visor. Someone’s screaming. It can’t be her. Alex Danvers is a soldier; she can’t scream, even if the love of her life has just thrown her life away for her.

Everything happens at once, then. The last of the kryptonite emitters sputter out, and Supergirl is leaping into sky, the cannon’s first beam firing harmlessly on her bulletproof body. Manny yells something out, and Alex’s earpiece crackles to life with Winn’s voice informing her that he’s disabled the cannon.

Years of training keep Alex standing in the aftermath of the attack, though all she wants to do is collapse by Maggie’s side. She can feel the panic writhing underneath her calm veneer, as she barks out the right orders, making sure the area is cordoned off, making sure headquarters is contacted, making sure the wounded are tended to.

Making sure _Maggie_ is being tended to.

“It’s ...okay.” Maggie says, when Alex finally runs back to her side. She is pausing between each word, to take gulping breaths. “Was shielded....we don’t ...just..have....easy bake ovens.”

“Why?” Alex asks, choking back the sobs, too scared to laugh at the terrible joke, too scared to remember to be angry.

“You’re ...always... looking out... for everyone.” Maggie replies, grimacing, though there is colour returning to her cheeks now. “Someone’s ...gotta...look out for _you_...idiot.”

“Not like this.” Alex says fiercely, and _goddamit_ , the tears are coming anyways. “Not you!”

“Always me.” Maggie affirms, her frame sagging against Alex’s chest. Her next words come out in a rush, face contorting and chest heaving with the effort of it. “It’s always going to be me. Not because I have to, but because I want to. Do you understand, Alex?”

For the first time, Alex thinks she does.

 

\---

**2017**

J’onn makes sure Maggie is held at the DEO’s own medical bay, tended to by the finest doctors the federal government could afford, but that doesn’t stop Alex from worrying. Neither does the official diagnosis that the concussion Maggie slipped into was temporary, and that her injuries would not be permanently debilitating.

A worried Alex is both dangerous and annoying. Worried Alex pops into Maggie’s hospital room 24/7, and tries to micromanage the nurses’ work. Worried Alex gets Winn to trace the phone of the doctor in charge of Maggie’s treatment, and harasses him for updates every hour. Worried Alex goes around snapping the heads off of every DEO agent unfortunate enough to cross her path.

After J’onn has kicked Alex out of the DEO twice in a row, and Kara has forced Alex to do three laps around the city “until you calm down and start acting like a human being”, Alex finally gets the news that Maggie is awake.

She enters the med bay at a dead run, bypassing the registration office entirely, and almost running over the nurse on duty as she bursts into Maggie’s room.

“You don’t look like my doctor.” is what Maggie comments, as Alex almost skids on the floor from the speed she had run in with. Maggie is grinning, though, and her eyes are practically shining. “I’d get checkups more often if you did.”

“Maggie!” Alex gasps, and then falls silent, because what else is there to say?

“The only.” Maggie answers easily, and pats the chair next to her bed.

Alex takes it. Her eyes refuse to leave Maggie’s face; she’s half afraid that Maggie will disappear if she blinks.

“You sister was here this morning.” Maggie says, reaching out a hand that Alex grasps immediately with her own.

“Nice of her.” Alex replies, distracted. Her medical training seems to have kicked in instinctively, and she finds herself running her fingers up Maggie’s arm and across her torso area, looking for anything that the doctors might have missed.

“Just checking in.” Maggie comments casually. “She had to fly off pretty soon, though. Some kind of fire brewing up downtown that she to cover.”

“Mmhmm.” Alex hums. No bumps or open wounds that she can see, but she wouldn’t trust that doctor to have- “Wait, what?”

Maggie bursts out into loud cackles of laughter. “No wonder you almost swallowed your own tongue that time when I told you about how Leslie Willis turned Supergirl into a lesbian icon overnight on her show!”

Alex’s sleep-deprived mind protests as she scrambles to catch up on what she had obviously missed.

“That is...I don’t know what you’re-” she begins, and then falls silent as her phone vibrates. She checks it, and it’s a short message from Kara. _I told Maggie, by the way. You’re welcome._ It’s followed by a series of emojis that Alex has a hard time deciphering, even after long experience.

Alex looks up, and Maggie is watching her knowingly.

“I’m sorry.” Alex says. “I wanted to tell you.”

Maggie shakes her head, and her hand reaches for Alex again. “I understand. It wasn’t your place.”

“I’m glad she told you.” Alex whispers. She’s pretty sure the strength with which she’s squeezing Maggie’s hand must be hurting her, but Maggie grasps back tighter when Alex tries to ease up. “I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.”

Maggie smiles at her and there it is again, that painfully triumphant flip that Alex’s heart does.

“Maggie.” she starts. “What you said, when you...when you...did you mean it?”

“Every word.” Maggie’s answers. Her voice is sure, but her smile is tentative now, and her muscles of her body are tensed, as if braced for rejection.

Alex’s vision blurs with tears. She can feel herself grasping Maggie’s hands to her chest, can faintly register the surprised sound that comes out of Maggie’s mouth, as the movement propels her forward.

“Maggie,” Alex whispers. “Please, Maggie, I have to know.”

Maggie instantly knows what she’s talking about. “It won’t change anything.”

“I know.” Alex nods frantically. But it’s the scientist in her, and the hopeless romantic too, and the girl who always wanted that fairytale romance...who always believed that she could never have it. “Please, show me anyways.”

Maggie wordlessly pulls her hand away from Alex and pulls the sleeve of her hospital garment back, all the way up to her shoulders. Her eyes are still focused on Alex’s face, as if all the secrets of the world are written there, when she lifts up her arm to show Alex the four letters marked on the underside of it, deep red against brown skin.

“Alex.” Maggie whispers, reverently, reaching out to trace her fingers over Alex’s face, streaking the tears down Alex’s cheeks. Then, louder, more teasingly, she says, “Alexandra Danvers.”

“Margaret Ellen Sawyer.” Alex shoots back through her tears, and she knows she’s smiling like a fool, but she can’t help it. “Pretty sure you’ve got it worse than me in the names department.”

“I never liked that name much.” Maggie admits, almost meditatively. Her fingers are still stroking Alex’s face. “It was my dad’s mother’s. She made a row every Thanksgiving about my plus one.”

Alex kisses Maggie then, fiercely, as if the force of it could take every bad memory, every little hurt, away. Despite everything, she’s surprised when Maggie clutches at her arms, and returns the kiss with equal desperation.

When Alex pulls back, her phone is vibrating. She glances at it, and of course it’s a text from Kara.

_Gross. I CAN HEAR YOU. I am SCARRED. FOR LIFE. Get out of National City and go to Antarctica or something before you do that again._

Alex stifles a snort, and at an inquiring look from Maggie, shows her the screen.

“And you said _I_ overuse emojis.” Maggie comments, looking at the rows of hearts and explosions that follow Kara’s message.

Alex sits there, basking in the love of the two people she cares about most in the world, and she laughs and laughs and laughs.

\---

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr @alittlelesspain if you want to shoot a prompt or feedback or whatnot. Thanks for reading!


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